UK Skin Cancer and Melanoma Patients

[Susyrudy]

Hi there, I am new to the board having found you really by mistake. My husband lost his battle with malignant melanoma 17 months ago leaving myself and three children. I was just looking to see if there was anyone out there who I could discuss my feelings with regarding this disease because for all the love in the world from my family and friends it is the fact I can't get my head around how he died that is troubling me - there are so many questions and I don't know if it is normal to feel this way or whether I should go back to the specialist (who was amazing during the 6 years of treatment) or what.

Sorry if this is the wrong place to put this question or it is inappropriate.

Susy

[gilly]

welcome susy - so sorry for your loss - obviously there are many here that are hoping not to have to go what you've gone through - but there are some like ally and rainman who have - I'm sure there will be some along soon that can help you - all the best to you and your family

[Lucy]

Hi Susy

I am so sorry about your husband, it must have been awful to lose him like that.

Many people here know a great deal about melanoma and how it works, the treatments, etc...we might be able to offer you a little insight, but it really depends on the depth of your questions, once you find a way to put them into words.

most of us have no medical qualifications but a wealth of experience, personal research and reading to our names so we will try our best.

There are also several of us who are suffering or have suffered the loss of a loved one, so the aspects concerning grief are going to be familiar to us.

Where would you like to start? Feel free to just write what you need to.

Love,
Lucy

[ally]

Hi Suzy,
It's ok to feel how you are feeling hunni. I still come on this forum regularly as I find it useful to know whats going on in the world of melanoma, it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who are going through what we went through; and if I can offer anyone else the support, compassion and love that the members on here have shown me over the last 3 years - then thats a positive.
I'm sure your husbands consultant would see you if you wish to talk to him - our daughters consultant certainly had no qualms about talking to my husband and I; and even now I know if I wanted to talk to him or had any worries he would be there for us. Katie (our daughter) was under Prof. Poulam Patel at Nottingham. If you feel up to it, feel free to "pm" me - or simply put your concerns here - there are many of us who have lost loved ones on here - some write often, and others simply read but don't often post - either way, its ok. Grief is a terrible thing to suffer; and no matter what anyone says you dont "get over it" but simply learn to live with and HIDE the pain. Like you I dont understand why my daughter died - the whole episode was truthfully horrendous - and without wanting to upset anyone; if I could have filmed it from diagnosis to end I would, then used it as a wake up call to all those who think you have a mole removed and then live happily ever after. I have pm'd you my email address - feel free to contact me, dont suffer in silence. xxx

[rainman]

Hi,

I don't think anyone can advise you as to how to come to terms with your loss. This is a terrible disease, and if it's aggresive and has gone to secondaries as Paulines did, there's not a whole lot they can do to treat it. She was only 55 years old-it wasn't fair

I have just arranged a meeting with Poulam Patel at the City Hospital in Nottingham to discuss Paulines case, it's going to be a gruelling meeting, but I have to do it for my sake and in Paulines memory. I have so many unanswered questions.

I know this post is not a lot of help at the moment. I'm still confused/angry/sad and it's early days in the grieving process for myself but maybe if you talked to the Oncologist they might explain things better and help you move on a little way.

Feel free to contact me if you need any support.

[LynnPJ]

Hello Rainman,
I hope your meeting with the consultant helps answer some of those questions about dearest Pauline and her journey with melanoma , - and if it is of any help and you also feel able - let us know anything you can share with us, - but only if you can and want to.
Keep strong, we do need you to keep in touch,
kindest thoughts to you
Lynn

[Susyrudy]

Thank you all for replying and I'm sorry not to have been back on but unfortunately we've had no internet and seeing as I never did the technology in the house I have been struggling to get sorted - but I am proud to say I have managed it all on my own.

I think you've given me the first step - to speak to our oncologist, whose number I found when sorting through some paperwork - maybe she can give me some of the answers, although remembering our last meeting i am not sure she can as she was as flumuxed as we were by the speed of everything.

However, i will get in touch and make that appointment.

Thank you to all of you for your support, just knowing that you are out there and are so supportive has been a great inspiration and is an enormous help.

[rainman]

No probs. Those of us who have gone through this are with you all the way. Stay positive your husband is in a far better place now.